Irony, also titled "Awesome."

It's 4:30 AM.  In two hours, I have to drive Ivan to the MARTA so I can have the car so I can do my three-hour glucose test.

My instructions for this glucose test were not to eat past 11 PM.  So when I realized (at around 10) that Ivan wasn't going to be home until 11 PM due to school and work commitments, I rushed through cooking dinner and scarfed it down in 15 minutes.  I've since learned that my newly tender stomach thinks this is a BAD idea and I've been paying for it since, because apparently I can no longer be horizontal within two hours after eating a meal or I will start bringing up bile.

Of course, since I didn't eat dinner until 10:45 PM, I didn't take my Mucinex until 11:15ish.  Which means I had to choose whether to drink a full glass of water as directed and be up all night peeing, or deal with the sniffles and console myself with the fact that at least I won't have a sinus headache.  I eschewed the water.

So now my right nostril is completely clogged.  AND I've been up all night.  Just not peeing.

And just to complete the trifecta of pregnancy lame-o discomfort, I started working out again today, which would be great if I hadn't done it so enthusiastically.  Blame the 12-year-old world champion trapeze artist whose workout DVD I purchased with joie in my heart.  Okay, logically I know she can't be 12.  She's more pregnant than I am.  But she's incredibly young, fit, and makes me feel old.  And the one thing she doesn't have, which I do, is sciatica.

So to recap - I am having acid reflux, a clogged right nostril, and an attack of sciatica - which is in my left leg.

My stomach wants me to sleep sitting straight up.  This of course puts pressure on my left buttcheek, aggravating the sciatica.

My back wants me to sleep on my right side, aggravating the acid reflux and making my right nostril even more clogged.

My right nostril wants me to sleep on my left side so it can drain, aggravating the see above.

None of me is getting any sleep.

And I can't even have a cup of coffee in the morning because of this glucose test.

I know I said I wouldn't write any more complaint posts but man... I need a Mulligan for today.