Dear Bissell, You Need To Hire Me.

Not only have I thoroughly field-tested your ProHeat 2x Turbo (Model 9300), but I have now field-stripped it.  Completely.

Firstly, I'd like to congratulate you on a product that is sturdy enough to live through the twin challenges of over-abundant pet hair and indifferent carpet cleaners - to whit, my daughters.  While they have performed the spirit of the thing, their methods have been lackadaisical at best and when coupled with the aforementioned pet hair, have created the need for me field-stripping the machine.  For the most part, a general rinsing is fine, but join me here.

Picture, if you will, a Siberian Husky.  Here, I'll help.

Now, imagine all that fur detaching from the body of the dog at least twice a year.  For the most part, my Dyson Animal DC07 vacuum cleaner deals quite admirably with the deluge.  But every now and then, stray hair escapes the animal in between vacuum days, and apparently it was on one of these days that my helpful children cleaned the carpet using our Bissell.  Without vacuuming first.  In following pictures, you'll see the aftermath of said decision.

Typically our Bissell performs superlatively.  I'm always happy with the results.  Now, that being said, I will admit that there are several areas on your product with which I have great complaint.  These are, notably, areas in which pet hair and other detritus can and will get clogged.

I understand that the owner's manual distinctly states, "Vacuum surface thoroughly before using this machine."  I know.  And I also know that you bear no responsibility for the continued operation of my machine if I don't follow the directions.

But c'mon.  We're both people of the world.  We know it's not a perfect place.  And in this case, directions most certainly were not followed, resulting in this...

And there's plenty more where that came from... in the main tank compartment, in the brushes, and anywhere else into which dog hair can protrude its doggy hairiness.

Most of the hair is fairly easy to clean out but there are some areas that are problematic, like...

You will note that the aperture through which to enter and clean out the dog hair is... noticeably smaller than my fingers.

And hence, I am led to the real tangent of this letter.

Now, once again, I realize you are not responsible for saving me from my stupidity.  But surely I'm not the only person who has either had their lackeys fail them or suffered a momentary lapse of judgment.  And do you really want to punish us so heinously for our sins?

So, being the ingenious crafty type I am, and having many years of experience in repurposing common tools for uncommon purposes (the number of uses I have for a butter knife should be legendary), I have found a tool that I consider invaluable in cleaning this machine... and I believe you should include one with each unit sold.

It's inexpensive, hardy, and practically foolproof.  It is... the common citrus peeler:

Please note the slim shape of the poky end (you may wish to have one of your writers revise my technical vocabulary as it may be too advanced for typical consumers).  The fact that the poky end is also curved is an added bonus for cleaning the part in question.  It's perfect for digging into the aperture above:

 

And the scratchy end makes mincemeat of ground-in dirt for larger surfaces, as evident in this before-and-after shot:

As you can see, the machine has been restored to almost new condition.  And I would love to tell you that it works beautifully, but I somehow melted the bladder when I was pouring in hot water which I'd heated... to below boiling, I swear... on the stove.  You may note my request for a replacement part arriving soon.

In conclusion,  please consider the foibles of we mere mortals.  Save us from our folly with either a completely disassemble-able machine, or an appropriate cleaning tool.

And recognize my brilliance and ingenuity by giving me a position in your R&D or testing facility.  Either that, or send me royalty checks against the day when, unarmed with my know-how and secret weapon, large swarms of people will be forced to replace their carpet cleaners - or I'll find a way to get the word out and squash all that lovely revenue.

With love,

A Loyal Customer