Stalling Out - Warning: Graphic Post.

I should have known better than to get my hopes up.

Had my 40-week appointment today (yesterday), and saw Dr. Grillo.  He checked me and said I was at 3.5 cm, and then rammed a steak knife into my vagina.  Okay, not really.  He stripped my membranes, but since he neglected to mention he was doing this, it took me by surprise, and I tensed up... which, of course, made it worse.

He said my cervix was extremely favorable and that he was expecting me to be in labor tonight and to have kiddo tonight or tomorrow, certainly no later than the weekend.  The nurse on desk duty asked me if I was sure I wanted to make an appointment for Tuesday next since she felt I wouldn't make it.

I left the clinic on a wave of nervous euphoria and mild cramping.

Decided to do some light shopping, and started feeling a little uneasy, so we went home.  Casual glances at the clock indicated contractions every 20 minutes - so far, so good.  I decided to take a bath and get prepped for bed in case I could rest.  Ivan made it home less than an hour later, and between his anxious eagerness and Savannah's constant checking on me, rest quickly became not an option.  It was really sweet of them, though.

By 10 PM I was having contractions every 10 minutes, although they still weren't very intense.  I was still discharging from the pelvic exam so that was mildly encouraging; I was beginning to convince myself that we were on our way.  Ivan put the car seat in the Prius and literally glowed all evening long.  I love being pregnant with him... although I'm ready to be parents instead.

At midnight, I decided to get some rest, so we went to bed.  Ivan was so restless even in his sleep that he kept waking me up, poor thing.  So I haven't really slept much.  I've just been enjoying (ha) tracking nonexistent contractions.  Yep - I'm down to one contraction an hour, tops.  No sleep, no contractions, no baby.

I shouldn't be surprised, considering I went through this with Savannah, but I am.  I was hoping this would be different... please, just give me some linear progression instead of the stalling out, starting up misery and frustration of anxious anticipation and depressing discouragement. 

I feel so badly for getting Ivan's hopes up.  And the girls'.  I feel badly for getting mine up too.

Come out, little man... we're all crazy ready to meet you.